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  #1  
Old 30th March 2016, 07:39 PM
Wakana Wakana is offline
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Default The role of breasts in romantic attraction

I am a young man in my mid twenties. Recently, one of my closest friends in life, who happens to be a beautiful girl my own age, confessed to me that she has strong romantic feelings for me and she always has. She has made it clear that if I’m not going to pursue her romantically, she cannot continue to be my friend. Life without her friendship seems like a bleak prospect, but I’m not sure if I am able to pursue the alternative: a romantic relationship with her. She is an awesome girl who challenges me to holiness, inspires me and loves me for who I am, but I have never had a strong physical attraction to her because her breasts are very small— basically nonexistant. Now I know that it is not sinful to have physical preferences in women, but I feel like a real jerk not being able to love her just because of a physical feature like this. If I am completely honest with myself, I admit that if she had decent womanly curves in the chest area I would have no problem pursuing her and potentially marrying her.

How big of a role should physical attraction play in a situation like this? Have I been duped by our sex crazed society to think that I need a woman with large breasts to be happy? I know I should not lower the bar just because I am lonely and want to be with somebody, but does this apply to physical standards, too? I'm sure that plenty of well-meaning girls would be disgusted at me for thinking the way I do, but I just cannot go and marry a girl who I am not physically attracted to, right?!
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Old 30th March 2016, 10:24 PM
Jose Jose is offline
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If it bothers you don't go forward, but I must say sounds kind of shallow.
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Old 30th March 2016, 11:32 PM
Ron Conte Ron Conte is offline
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I think you have been overly influenced by secular culture. You shouldn't decide who to marry based on body shape.

I think prayer is the path to finding the right spouse, and that takes time and patience.
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Old 31st March 2016, 07:21 PM
Contrition Contrition is offline
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Wakana: Thanks for your honesty. Your post seems to have hit a nerve in me.

Ron:

I myself have been waiting for the right women to come along also, but it hasn't happened. Maybe I'm too picky. At 43, I'm starting to think that I will never get married. The scary thing is that this runs in my family. I have four older male cousins, one female cousin, and one uncle (who has since passed) and one aunt who is also single. Some days I want to give up the search, but then there are days I have hope. But the hope seems to be slowly fading. Sometimes I wonder if it is God's will that I stay single. Any words of advice?
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Old 31st March 2016, 07:39 PM
Ron Conte Ron Conte is offline
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Prayer and fasting, Rosary and Divine Mercy Chaplet, for discernment in God's will about marriage for you.
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  #6  
Old 1st April 2016, 12:04 PM
Truthseeker Truthseeker is offline
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In my opinion from what you are saying you do not love this girl. If you are already unsure before starting this relationship then do not go for it. It will always be at the back of your mind and you might remain unsure if you did the right decision. This would mean loss of time for you and for her. You said you would marry her if she had bigger breasts. It is a clear sign that you do not love her. Nothing more to add. Nowadays most advice is flawed and whoever gives you an advice to "try" or "wait till it gets better" he is just sending you straight to a period of indecision and sadness. Wait yes but till you meet someone you are really sure about. If not just remain single. You might meet another girl with virtually the same breast size as this woman but for no apparent reason you fall in love with her and you will realise that this one was not love....maybe lonliness, attachment or other psychological factors are playing tricks on you. Or maybe its just her pressuring you and you think that saying NO is wrong. Saying NO is also good.
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Old 1st April 2016, 05:38 PM
Brother Brother is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Truthseeker View Post
In my opinion from what you are saying you do not love this girl. If you are already unsure before starting this relationship then do not go for it. It will always be at the back of your mind and you might remain unsure if you did the right decision. This would mean loss of time for you and for her. You said you would marry her if she had bigger breasts. It is a clear sign that you do not love her. Nothing more to add. Nowadays most advice is flawed and whoever gives you an advice to "try" or "wait till it gets better" he is just sending you straight to a period of indecision and sadness. Wait yes but till you meet someone you are really sure about. If not just remain single. You might meet another girl with virtually the same breast size as this woman but for no apparent reason you fall in love with her and you will realise that this one was not love....maybe lonliness, attachment or other psychological factors are playing tricks on you. Or maybe its just her pressuring you and you think that saying NO is wrong. Saying NO is also good.

Well Said Truthseeker.

Also, Marriage is free, not pressured. Anyone who goes to the Altar by being pressured, is not really getting Married before God, that is not true Marriage. The couple have to truly love each other. They are the celebrants of the wedding, the Pastor is just a witness. Moreover, do not exalt feelings over true love. Feelings like "I don't get the 'butterflies' in my stomach when I see her", those come and go, but true love, but to love like Christ, to give up your own life for the loved one will remain forever, till old age and regardless of physical appearance.

Physical attraction is good part of it, because we are body and soul, but it should not be exalted over the spiritual. It is normal for people to be attracted to the person they'll end up marring with, otherwise there would not be united and would not be descendants. It's actually God Himself who puts the attraction.

When God presented Eve to Adam, Adam really liked her! to the point to exclaming: (Finally!) "This is bones of my bones and flesh of my flesh!" He wanted to be "one" with Eve. Scripture does not say that God presented Adam someone who he did not like. Adam did not reply: "Thanks God, but no thanks, I'm better off alone". No, he really liked Eve. And, of course, vice versa, Eve also really liked Adam!

So, if you are going to end up married, it will be with a person who you really like, otherwise will not come from God.

Also for Contrition, take Ron's advise and ask God to "show you" His will. If you would really like to get married, tell Him also, like in a conversation, at home, when you walk on the street, or before the Blessed Sacrament, better, tell Him something like: "Lord, You know that want to get married, if you want me to get married, please show me the person, or signs, but over all, give me Your grace to accept your Will, that will suffice, etc." and do not be afraid because it will be the best for you.
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Last edited by Brother : 1st April 2016 at 05:56 PM.
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  #8  
Old 8th April 2016, 09:31 PM
Brother Brother is offline
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"13. Jesus speaks of this by quoting the passage from Genesis: “The man shall be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one” (Mt 19:5; cf. Gen 2:24). The very word “to be joined” or “to cleave”, in the original Hebrew, bespeaks a profound harmony, a closeness both physical and interior, to such an extent that the word is used to describe our union with God: “My soul clings to you” (Ps 63:8 ). The marital union is thus evoked not only in its sexual and corporal dimension, but also in its voluntary self-giving in love. The result of this union is that the two “become one flesh”, both physically and in the union of their hearts and lives, and, eventually, in a child, who will share not only genetically but also spiritually in the “flesh” of both parents."

---- from the recently published Post Synodal Apostolic Exhortation "The Joy of Love" by Pope Francis.
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