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  #41  
Old 26th January 2011, 08:49 AM
feyfifer feyfifer is offline
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lol


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Originally Posted by debtarr View Post
The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note and posted on the apple tray:"Take only ONE. God is watching."

Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note: "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."
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  #42  
Old 28th January 2011, 10:40 AM
feyfifer feyfifer is offline
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________________________________________
Lost on a rainy Friday night, a priest stumbles into a monastery and requests shelter there. Fortunately, he's just in time for dinner and was treated to the best fish and chips he's ever had.

After dinner, he goes into the kitchen to thank the chefs. He is met by two brothers, "Hello, I'm Brother Michael, and this is Brother Francis."

"I'm very pleased to meet you. I just wanted to thank you for a wonderful dinner. The fish and chips were the best I've ever tasted. Out of curiosity, who cooked what?"

Brother Charles replied, "Well, I'm the fish friar."

Father turns to the other brother and says, "Then you must be...."

"Yes, I'm afraid I'm the chip monk..."
________________________________________
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  #43  
Old 30th January 2011, 12:53 AM
debtarr debtarr is offline
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Default Still laughing!

Great story, feyfifer! I really love humor that plays on language.
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  #44  
Old 31st January 2011, 04:01 AM
feyfifer feyfifer is offline
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Wink a laff a day keeps the devil at bay - confucius!

Keep ing debtarr....


Quote:
Originally Posted by debtarr View Post
Great story, feyfifer! I really love humor that plays on language.
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  #45  
Old 31st January 2012, 08:25 PM
Brother Brother is offline
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An atheist scientist came to God and said, "We've figured out how to make a man without you."

God said, "OK, let me see you do it."

So the atheist bent down to the ground and scooped up a handful. But God stopped him and said, "Oh, no you don't. Get your own dirt!"
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  #46  
Old 31st January 2012, 08:27 PM
Brother Brother is offline
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Default The $20 and the $1

Two well worn bills arrived at the Federal Reserve Bank to be retired - a twenty and a one. As they traveled down the conveyor belt, they struck up a conversation. The twenty reminisced about the interesting life he had, traveling all over the country. "I've been to the finest restaurants, Broadway shows, Las Vegas , Atlantic City ," he said. "I even went on a Caribbean cruise. Where have you been?"

"Oh," said the one dollar bill, "I've been to the Catholic churches, the Orthodox churches, Protestant churches."

"What's a church?" asked the twenty.
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  #47  
Old 2nd February 2012, 08:16 PM
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In a prestigious anthropological museum, the guide is intended for tourists:
Well and here we have the skeleton of a Tyrannosaurus Rex that has 65 million years and 15 days.

A surprised visitor asks:
Sir, how do you know the age so precisely?

The guide says: "Well, when I started working here I was told that it had 65 million years ... and I've been working here for 15 days".
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  #48  
Old 2nd February 2012, 08:23 PM
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A lady is going to get her passport. The civil servant asks her:
-How many children do you have, ma'am?
-Ten.
-How are they called?
Bernardo, Bernardo, Bernardo, Bernardo, Bernardo, Bernardo, Bernardo, Bernardo, Bernardo and Bernardo.
-All of them are called Bernardo? ... And how do you to call them when, for example, they are all playing out?
'Very simple, I cry "Bernardo" and all come in.

And if you want to them to go to eat?
-Same. Scream "Bernardo" and all sit down to eat.
'But if you want to talk with one in particular, how do?
-Ah! In that case, I call him by his last name.
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  #49  
Old 2nd February 2012, 08:32 PM
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A guy gets up after the operation and says:
- Doctor, doctor, I understand you dressed in white, but why
there is so much light?
- Am I not a doctor, my son, I am St. Peter.
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  #50  
Old 2nd February 2012, 08:34 PM
Jeanne D'Arc
 
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I apologize in advance.

On a tour of Florida, the Pope took a couple of days off to visit the
coast for some sightseeing. He was cruising along the beach in the
Popemobile when there was a frantic commotion just off shore. A helpless
man, wearing a New York Yankee's jersey, was struggling frantically to
free himself from the jaws of a 25-foot shark.

As the Pope watched, horrified, a speedboat came racing up with three men
wearing Boston Red Sox jerseys aboard. One quickly fired a harpoon into
the shark's side. The other two reached out and pulled the bleeding,
semi-conscious Yankee fan from the water. Then using (autographed Nomar)
baseball bats, the three heroes in red beat the shark to death and hauled
it into the boat also.

Immediately the Pope shouted and summoned them to the beach. "I give you
my blessing for your brave actions," he told them. "I heard that there was
some bitter hatred between Red Sox and Yankee fans, but now I have seen
with my own eyes that this is not the truth."

As the Pope drove off, the harpooner asked his buddies "Who was that?"

"It was the Pope," one replied. "He is in direct contact with God and has
access to all of God's wisdom."

"Well," the harpooner said, "he may have access to God's wisdom, but he
doesn't know crap about shark fishing.... how's the bait holding up?"
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