CatholicPlanet.Net discussion group  

Go Back   CatholicPlanet.Net discussion group > Catholicism > Catholic Humor
FAQ Members List Calendar Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread Display Modes
  #11  
Old 31st December 2007, 11:34 PM
Michael
 
Posts: n/a
Smile

I'm sure Carrol was his wife.
Reply With Quote
  #12  
Old 1st January 2008, 08:05 AM
garabandalg garabandalg is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Posts: 1,686
Default Three more

A young child begins arguing with his atheist teacher about whether Jonah was ever inside a whale or Daniel was ever in the lion's den. The teacher sarcastically says, "Maybe your heroes are in hell" to which the child angrily replies, "My mother told me that they were close to God and are now in Heaven" The cynical teacher smirked and said, "I have an idea, when you go to Heaven, let me know if you see those heroes there" to which the child deadpan answers "and when you go to hell you let me know if you see them there."

The devil is very jealous of Jesus, and when St. Peter invites him to challenge Jesus to a computer document contest, the devil readily accepts, figuring that he can cheat while Jesus could never do anything devious to win. Halfway through the contest all electrical power goes off for a second, and the devil loses all of his work. The devil becomes enraged and says "this is a trick, who made that power go off like that" Just then power comes back and Jesus completes his work while the devil is left staring at a blank screen speechless. "How is it that his work was not wiped out by that power failure?" complains the devil, to which St. Peter says, "That is easy. Jesus saves".

The devil breaks the gates of Heaven and St. Peter complains, threatening to sue the devil, to which the devil smugly replies "you cannot sue me, you have no lawyers".
Reply With Quote
  #13  
Old 1st January 2008, 07:20 PM
Brother Brother is offline
Administrator
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Posts: 2,727
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Climacus Areopagite View Post
Q. How do you make Holy Water?
A. You boil the Hell out of it.

Hahahah
Reply With Quote
  #14  
Old 17th January 2008, 11:47 PM
Climacus Areopagite Climacus Areopagite is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Posts: 1,593
Default

if Hilary Clinton wins the presidency does that mean Bill gets to be first lady?
Reply With Quote
  #15  
Old 18th January 2008, 06:54 PM
js1975 js1975 is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: West Chester, PA
Posts: 954
Default

For the first time ever, you could hear the words, "Good morning Mrs. President and Mr. President" when addressing the President and spouse.
__________________
2cor 7:1 Therefore, having these promises, most beloved, let us cleanse ourselves from all defilement of the flesh and of the spirit, perfecting sanctification in the fear of God.
Reply With Quote
  #16  
Old 22nd January 2008, 03:54 PM
Brother Brother is offline
Administrator
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Posts: 2,727
Default

A man of God was drowning inside his house because of a devastating flood.

A good swimmer came to the rescue but the man said, “no thanks, I believe in God, He will save my life”. So the swimmer took off.

Then people on an inflatable boat came to the rescue but the man said: “ no thanks, God will save me”.

Then, professional rescuers came in a helicopter as a final attempt to save his life, they opened the ceiling of the house and tried to pull the man out; but the man said: “no thanks, somehow, God will save me, I firmly believe in Him”.

Then the man drowned, so he died.

When this man went to Heaven, he was disappointed with God and asked Him why did He let him die?

Then the Lord said to him: “You fool, I tried to; I sent you a good swimmer, people on boat, and a professional rescue team with a helicopter to save your life, what else can you ask for?....”
Reply With Quote
  #17  
Old 23rd January 2008, 02:14 AM
Joey Joey is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: PA
Posts: 627
Default

On the outskirts of a small town, there was a big,old pecan tree just
inside the cemetery fence. One day, two boys filled up a bucketful of
nuts and sat down by the tree, out of sight, and began dividing the
nuts.

"One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me," said one boy.
Several dropped and rolled down toward the fence.

Another boy came riding along the road on his bicycle. As he passed, he
thought he heard voices from inside the cemetery. He slowed down to
investigate. Sure enough, he heard, "One for you, one for me. One for
you, one for me."

He just knew what it was. He jumped back on his bike and rode off. Just
around the bend he met an old man with a cane, hobbling along.

"Come here quick," said the boy, "you won't believe what I heard! Satan
and the Lord are down at the cemetery dividing up the souls."

The man said, "Beat it kid, can't you see it's hard for me to walk."

When the boy insisted though, the man hobbled slowly to the cemetery.

Standing by the fence they heard, "One for you, one for me. One for you,
one for me."

The old man whispered, "Boy, you've been tellin' me the truth. Let's see
if we can see the Lord."

Shaking with fear, they peered through the fence, yet were still unable
to see anything. The old man and the boy gripped the wrought iron bars
of the fence tighter and tighter as they tried to get a glimpse of the
Lord.

At last they heard, "One for you, one for me. That's all. Now let's go
get those nuts by the fence and we'll be done."

They say the old man made it back to town a full 5 minutes ahead of the
kid on the bike.
__________________
"Closer to You bid me, that with Your saints I may be praising Your name, forever and ever."

Joey
Reply With Quote
  #18  
Old 23rd January 2008, 06:59 PM
trswago trswago is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Posts: 76
Default

Thats a good one Joey LOL
Reply With Quote
  #19  
Old 15th February 2008, 07:15 PM
Brother Brother is offline
Administrator
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Posts: 2,727
Default

Now that it's cold and winter time here it goes:


Q:What did the scarf said to the hat?....
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
A:"Go ahead, that I'll go around".
Reply With Quote
  #20  
Old 25th May 2008, 10:54 PM
VKallin VKallin is offline
supporting member
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: North Port, Florida
Posts: 614
Default The Art of Evangelization

Sister Mary Mildred visited all of the sick and shut-in three times each week. On this particular trip, her car ran out of gas. Fortunately, she was only a block from a gas station. She walked to the station and asked if they had a gas can to carry fuel back to her car. Their only gas can was out on loan. So sister Mary Mildred went back to her car to see what she might use. The only thing she could find was a bed pan, so she took it back to the station and filled it with gas.

Returning to her car, she began pouring the gas into the gas tank. She did not realize that two Baptists had approached her location and were now watching from behind some bushes. As sister Mary Mildred finished pouring the gas into her tank, the first Baptist said to the 2nd Baptist

"If that car starts....I'm converting"
Reply With Quote
Reply


Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 01:25 PM.


Powered by vBulletin Version 3.6.0
Copyright ©2000 - 2017, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.